Thursday, 7 July 2011
Voldemort is Gay: Hogwarts an alternative History.
My dearest fabled masses.
With the imminent release of the last in the Harry Potter movie franchise; I would like you to think of this while you are munching on your popped corn and flavoured drink of choice. Lord Voldemort in my opinion is gay.
Why? How?
Well how else would explain the man’s obsession with boys, flare for verboseness and lack of attraction to a female of sort. Dracula had Meena, Darth Vader had the Padime Amidala and rumour has it that even Lucifer had a thing for the mythical female vixen Lillith. Now dear readers, before you jump to believing that He-who-must-be-named is not of the homosexual sort and tag him to the infamous Bellatrix Le-Strange think carefully. Yes, the poor woman was MAD-ly in love with him, yet did he even once bat an eyelid of concern for her? You may even argue that was his nature but that would not explain why even when she would willingly die for him that he would show Snape and Malfoy senior more concern and even to some extent pure emotion, not forgetting Harry of course. Therefore he cannot be devoid of emotion.
Proof 1:
According to heterosexual masculinity men are not supposed to own diaries, raise their pinkies and play with feminine items. All of which he does. Yes fabled masses, Tom Riddle was a closet case. In his diary you are sure to find things like “Dear Diary, (sigh). I cannot fathom why Dumbledore won’t love me; I am tall, handsome and powerful.” Or “Dearest Diary, today I killed 30 muggles and even signed my name in the sky, and still Dumbledore does not come to me. All he has time for is that Lily and James Potter. OMG, Lily had the nicest silk scarf on today. Anyway here comes Wormtongue with some sure to be juicy gossip from the fortune teller. Bye-bye diary...XOXO.”
Then have you noticed how most of his horcruxes are either items of female jewellery, i.e. a locket and a diadem; the infamous diary or to tie it all together the last one is a special boy that he loves and hates? When he first meets teenage Harry he offers him everything if the boy would join him by his side (somewhat of a paedophilic streak, which is not solely linked to gayness, if I may add Miss O. W--.) Lastly when He kills his pinkie is always raised.
Proof two:
His obsession with youth and abandon AND the changing of his name; I mean how many gay men do you know that don’t love taking on different personas? He also knows what colours work for him, “Dear Diary...Black is so hot right now, Fabulous. To be young and Fabulous. XOXO.” Almost all his deatheaters are men... I mean come on now the man is screaming out I am here, I am Queer!
Proof three: Psychoanalysis.
He clearly has Daddy issues. According to Freudian psychology boys that lack a consistent and invested male role model do not negotiate their psychosexual stages well and often become fixated. Often this appears in the form of narcissism, anal retentive and expulsive tendencies and even homosexuality when the oedipal stage is not successfully negotiated. In ol’ Voldies case there are signs of all of the above. “Dearest Diary, I am so confused and misunderstood.” *insert tear. He is obsessed with delusions of grandeur and his mother was a nutcase. All he wants to do is to get Dumbledore’s attention. And he loves fondling snakes, need I say more??
It is my opinion that he is clearly in the closet...oh wait he is in a chamber actually and his hugest secret is “Dear Diary, OMG, OMG I wanna sparkle like Edward Cullen.” Tom your Riddle is out. Gays are wonderful people, don’t be shy....Be pretty and witty and Gay!
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