So we meet once again Fabled Masses of the World for another wonderful trip down the rabbit-hole.
Now a little trivia about me, I love anything with crucifixes and the like as I, in my impressionable youth, had dreams of donning a black robe and preaching the good news! Yes you’ve guessed it, I Kaleb, desired to be a priest. (And no not to “minister instruction” to young boys. And if your mind was there I would seriously ponder why you have such paedophilic thoughts, if I were you.) Yet these dreams of a holy calling faded with my entrance to tertiary education. However, it was not due to exposure to the world of sordid and blasphemous adventure of the typical student, but rather as I believed that my talents for helping people would have been suffocated in the robe and tassels of religiosity. In fact I have learnt more about God as a wayward Catholic than as a firm, “Anti-heathen” missionary....not saying that all priest are such, just a side commentary on the prejudicial banter that does exists.
Yet not many understand my choices in fact a funny thing happened between my best friend and I on this very topic. Here is a prelude to the conversation.
Friend - “I can’t imagine you as a priest.”
Me- “Why, not?”
Friend- “Because you look rough.”
Of course I burst out laughing, but would like to draw on my blog post on judging people on their dress or looks, as he said I looked more like a real sexual deviant....to quote the legendary Derek Faye “How Very Dare you?!”
He then continued to tease me about my priesthood ideals as follows:
Here’s his little enactment of an "ordinary" confession session
-"Bless me Father for I have sinned. It has been seven years since my last confession. Yet it is the degree of my sin that has trouble me of late."
-"Go on my child. Our God is a forgiving God."
-"Well Father, you see I have been having indecent thoughts of a certain young priest in our parish, and I must say I cannot contain myself any longer."
-"My child it will all pass in time."
-"But Father it is YOU that I desire!"
Yes he could be labelled as a heretic for such distasteful commentary...but let’s excuse the heathen and pray for mercy on his soul
As for my priesthood plans. As I said I did desire the life of a religious man, but the dogmatic practices of the faith were unattractive. I remember as a child standing in church during the collective affirmations of the faith wondering if God was not in fact bored by all of this. Then there are the fundamentalists that aim to de-sin you while participating in the biggest sin of all, judgment. And who could forget the extremists that use faith as justification for their uncalled for hate. Anyway that’s not the point of this post rather what we should learn from this kids is that I had a deep spiritual reason for the next statement.
I Am A Virgin!
Let’s just say if you needed to sacrifice me to enact some ritual sacrifice, it will work and I will not come back as a blood desiring cheerleader, pretending to be succubus with my GHD hair and ”Maybe it’s Maybelline” flawless complexion.
Yes bunnies, I Kaleb at the humble age of 25 have not entered into any dark caves of any sorts and frankly I don’t care. I may have had humble beginning at first yet now it has turned into a lifestyle choice... I am not saying I am waiting for marriage or even Miss/Mr Right, but rather a person I will be happy to be a failure at this exploration with. That’s right, don’t expect hot steaming, earth –shattering love making...baby. For the low, low price of one night with me you will get the one minute wonder absolutely free. Act now and I will include some cheesy lines to get you in the mood such as “You are beef to my stew.”
Okay just so we are clear NO I AM NOT SELLING MYSELF. Even though some Facebook pictures tell a different story
I will tell you my issue on the subject. I have come to believe that some people think that getting rid of their V-cards is the most important thing in transgressing into new adulthood; well I think that is a lie. If you can’t be responsible with how you are generally, I don’t see how losing that “item of collateral” (Remember it is still seen as worthwhile investment with some) will make a difference. And another thing is why should one be made to feel abnormal for deciding to abstain? Come on, now there are many more virgins in my position than you know...and I assure you it has nothing to do with lack of opportunity. Even if you just see it as an act, remember sex is an act of vulnerability for some. That can mean -“I am opening myself up to you,” which can be liberating or condemning...precisely because we have assigned so much emotion and meaning to it.
Of course I may be wrong and there may be several rebuttals to my argument, but the point is I don’t care. I sleep soundly at night. My time will come and it will be filled with mistakes and if you are strong enough for that then I will promise you a love you will not find easily again.
Quote of the day: Florence and the Machine “No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love with the wrong one.”
Kaleb.
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